In order to cope with the effects of trauma, people often tell themselves a variety of things to keep from feeling the full impact of what happened, dismissing the experience or downgrading the importance of it. Sometimes people deflect attention away from the harmful experiences instead of looking at how they've been affected. Some of the things we might tell ourselves are:

• The person who harmed me was abused by others, so I can’t be angry.
• I'm responsible for what happened to me.
• I don't want to make a big deal out of nothing.
• I knew that something bad was happening and should have protected others.
• If I had said something at the time, others wouldn't have had to go through what I had to.
• It was my fault and I don't deserve to be forgiven.
• Being at the theatre was the best time of my life and I don’t want that to change.
• Donahue did his time, so we should all move on.
• I was hurt more than others and I'm not complaining.
• If I say something, people will hate me.
• I didn't stop the harm so I must have wanted it.
• I need to protect people from my harm.

One doesn’t need to have been touched physically to have experienced trauma. Witnessing the impact of harm to others can have lasting effects. This can lead to dismissing the hurt by holding the belief of being lucky to have avoided abuse. Yet the impact of seeing and knowing is painful and real. People cope with trauma in different ways. 

The coping mechanisms that helped some survive in the moment can become harmful over time. Because of the way the brain responds to trauma, parts of ones neurology can become frozen in the trauma. Abuse survivors and/or witnesses might end up in cycles of behavior that are unhealthy and difficult to escape. Some of the ways these effects of harm might manifest are as follows: 

• Difficulty having healthy friendships or intimate sexual relationships
• Dissociation
• Geographic moves, believing a change of location will change the way we feel inside
• Stunted maturity
• Severe anxiety or depression
• Difficulty holding safe boundaries
• Overly protective parenting of our own children
• Passive aggressive behavior 
• Avoiding having children
• Avoidance of group activities
• Anxiety around perfectionism
• Drug or alcohol abuse